Let’s be honest, 2020 has been rough and one of the strangest years I think we’ve experienced in a while. There’s been so much chaos, stress, and negativity. Because of everything, I know a lot of people have been struggling with their mental health more than usual. Trust me, you’re not alone.
But there is one thing that I’m confident that I can help you overcome and it makes a big difference when it comes to your mental health and the way you look at yourself.
We all have times when we are our own worst enemy. We put ourselves down and beat ourselves up about something we said or did. One thing I tell myself all the time is, “Omg, I’m so stupid.” Even if it’s a small mistake that I laugh about. It’s become a habit that I wasn’t even aware of.
My mom was actually the one that caught me and told me to stop talking to myself like that. So now, when I make a small mistake, I change that statement to, “Wow, I’m so smart.” See what I did there? Even if it’s a sarcastic statement to myself, the sentence is now positive.
I quickly realized how that one sentence was toxic to my self-esteem. That made me think about all the other things we tell ourselves often that we really need to stop. The thing is, the things we tell ourselves we actually start to believe. It’s scary because we’re constantly making ourselves believe these mean and negative things about ourselves. That’s why it’s so important to stop the habit of this toxic talk.
Stop Telling Yourself…
“I’m not good enough“
I know we all have told ourselves this at least once in our lifetime, right? The thing is, we are so wrong. We are all here for a reason and we all have a purpose. If you don’t know what your purpose is, it’s time to go search for it.
Write a list of everything you’re good at. If you can’t think of much, write a list of things you want to be good at. Focus on these things.
“I can’t do it”
Yes, you can. You have just given up too soon. Get back up and try it again. If it’s something you really want to do, you’ll find a way to do it no matter what it takes.
I think the first thing you should ask yourself when you feel this way is, do I love myself? You know the saying, you have to love yourself before anyone can love you. It’s kind of true. Once you truly love yourself, that confidence will shine.
What can you do to start your relationship with yourself?
“I’m not attractive”
This is a popular one. What makes you feel that way? The great thing about being human is that you can change. You don’t like your hair, change it up! Do you want to lose weight? Start a workout routine. Don’t get yourself stuck feeling this way because you don’t have to be.
Please remember though, what you tell yourself is what you start to believe. You don’t need to change anything except the way you talk to yourself. You can change the “I hate my body” to “I’m perfect just the way I am.”
“I’m going to fail”
You’re probably right. Hear me out though. We all fail at something before we’re good at it! It’s literally part of the process. This is a statement that I want you to change your feelings about. You are going to fail then you’ll become good at it. This is only if you stop being scared of the failure part. Instead, tell yourself “I failed that. I learned from it. Let’s continue to get better at it.”
One day, you’ll look back and be like, “I remember when I was bad at this. Look at me now.” Baby steps.
“I don’t have time”
How many times have you canceled on somebody or something for this excuse? The truth is, we all can make time for something or somebody we care about. If you have a lot to do, make a priority list. If you can’t do it that day, fit it in for the next day if it’s possible. Just don’t sweep it under the rug for too long or it’ll become a nasty habit that a lot of us fall into.
One thing that has helped me with this personally is getting a planner. Having a visual of tasks I need to complete is a total game-changer.
Two planners I highly recommend are:
- Erin Condren planner
- Bloom Daily planner.
The one statement I had to learn to break myself. This can totally destroy your self-confidence if you let it. Why do you say this to yourself? If it’s because you make a lot of mistakes, remind yourself we all do. Then find one area at a time that you can work on improving. Most importantly, when you find yourself saying “I’m stupid” correct yourself. You’re not stupid. You’re learning, improving your skills, and you’re growing.
Want to pin this?
Are You Ready?
Are you ready to stop the toxic talk? You can do it. Whenever you feel yourself saying any of these things to yourself, remember to correct yourself. Switch the negative phrase to something positive.
I want you to write a list of all the negative phrases you catch yourself saying. Then I want you to turn that phrase into something positive. This isn’t an overnight habit fixer. It’ll take time. But one day you’ll realize how much better you feel about yourself now that you’re done with the toxic talk.
Need more positive content? Check these articles out!
- 25 Positive Affirmations
- 7 Ways To Change Your Life
- 15 Motivational Quotes
- 20 Ways to Spread Happiness
- 10 Ways To Find Yourself When You Feel Lost
Amanda Burnett is a 25-year-old content creator. Growing up with a disability, she wanted to prove to herself that she was capable of accomplishing her dream life. Today she is helping her audience realize their potential as well! Her goal is to motivate as many people as she can through her lifestyle, beauty, and self-improvement content.
Love these. I’m not a massive fan of affirmations but I constantly remind myself to talk to myself as I would my best friend. If I wouldn’t call my friend stupid for doing it, then I’m not stupid! If I’d tell my friend to stay home from work because they’re ill then I should take my own advice. It has really changed how I think about things but it’s definitely a process!
I am definitely guilty of the “I don’t have time” one. In reality, I have time… I don’t have motivation! I need to stop making excuses to why I’m not doing what I want to do with my life!
Tamara | The Gutz Life says
I struggle with negative self talk a lot! I am trying to replace that inner dialogue with positive affirmations
I am learning that speaking negatively will only manifest into your reality. I definitely will continue to improve with being kinder to myself and focusing on positive energy rather than negative
I’m going to work on a positive body image. I’ve always suffered from not loving my body since my childhood. I was put on a diet at age 9. My mom was very skinny and she was always unhappy that my body was more like my father’s. It has been hard to shake – even 40 years later! But I need to get over it. So I am going to look in the mirror and state how awesome my body is! Wish me luck!
We can all relate to your post, the past year I focus more on the positive and have noticed a difference.
Jenni @ I on Image says
Great post! I think stopping the toxic talk will improve your life so much and it will help you to gain the confidence you need to get on the next level. I pinned this on my board with loads of tips to improve your personal image https://nl.pinterest.com/IonImage/your-image-consultant/ -Jenni at I on Image
We all need to speak to ourselves more kindly and actually believe in our own abilities. I’m trying very hard in 2020 not to self deprecate, but it’s difficult when you come from a nation of self-hate over self-love and belief.
Awesome post and beautifully positive! Having a positive mindset helps us reach our goals and gives us strength, not to mention we live life fuller and happier!
This is very informative, l go through this self talk too often. It’s time to make the changes. Thanks for sharing ❤
Oh my gosh I needed this post! I was squirming while reading it because I’ve just realised how many of these things I tell myself on a regular basis. Definitely need to stop! Fantastic post.
Melina Elisa says
I have really bad anxiety and I when I really struggle it’s really hard when I’m spiraling to get out of this mindset, but I’ve really been working on being kinder to myself. YES YES YES to every single thing you said! I don’t know if you watched Queer Eye on Netflix, but they had this episode with this guy who was really self-depreciating, and they played back recording of him talking badly about himself! Sometimes you don’t realize how mean we really are to ourselves. Great post Amanda xxx
Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com
Thank you! The way you talk to yourself is so important. xx
I tell myself every single one of these things all the time, but I need to stop. Thanks for a lovely post
Yes to all of these! I am guilty of saying some of these things to myself, but I am working on cutting that out. It’s amazing what can happen when we turn these negative thoughts into positive ones though.
Great post. I’m especially guilty of the failing one and not having time. It’s so important to stay positive.
I love this post. Sometimes we can be so harsh on ourselves (*guilty*) and we can be our worst critic. It’s so damaging. Thanks for this great list of reminders of what not to tell ourselves.
I love these. There are so many times when I use “I’m not” or “I don’t” or “I can’t” when I’m talking about myself or not being good enough for something. It’s awful. But I’m trying to change my thought process into something more positive.
Thank you for reminding myself not to be so harsh on myself!
You’re so welcome! Be kind to yourself. xx
Katherine Isabella Moon says
I’ve actually written a couple of posts on this topic, including one very similar to this! I actually didn’t even realize how toxic the way I spoke to myself was, or that negative self-talk was a bad habit until I watched a Shane Dawson video where he said he wanted to work on his own struggle with negative self-talk. I’ve told myself pretty much all of these things… I’m sure we all have.
I was bullied in school, and I started saying negative things about myself out loud in an attempt to shut the bullies up. Not only did it not work, but I actually started to believe it. Even after the bullying slowed down… I just believed it at that point. But how we speak to ourselves is so important, which is why I’ve prioritized watching how I speak to myself.
Sebastian Proch says
That’s inspiring, thanks. I kind of know all of that but sometimes negative thoughts can find sneaky way to appear. So it’s easier to be more aware of that with this article, good stuff.
I love love love this post! I’m guilty of saying so many of these and I’m really trying to stop saying them. It’s really important to notice how much what we say impacts us x
Katie | https://www.katieyvonne.co.uk/
Andrea Capone says
I am so guilty of this! I say out loud “oh stupid” and I’m talking to myself. I caught myself the other day because I know my 18 year old daughter heard me. I’m sure she thinks I’m talking to the object I’m frustrated with, but I know I’m talking to me. I really want to change the habit but I don’t want to say, “I’m so smart” because my sarcasm will be evident to her. 😂 I think maybe I should say, “I’m a problem solver” as I attempt to fix whatever is frustrating me. Thank you for the encouragement and insight!
I loved it. Definitely need to be way nicer to myself. Self-care is important. Very inspiring post, will be back for more. xo
xoxo Olivia | https://www.oliviaandbeauty.com/
I tell myself this stuff ALL the time. It’s just a bad habit that really needs to stop. I’m going to start practicing more positive self-affirmations. Thanks for this post ♥
I love this post because the power of words are so important. Sometimes we take it for granted. I myself was a huge victim of negative self talk I had to break myself out of it. I also created a post on this topic as well that talks about how to be kind to yourself after experiencing failure.
I’ll leave the link just in case you might be interested in reading getintuned.com/failtowin
Above all It feels good to know that there are people out there who face the same struggles and are finding ways to overcome it. This gives me confirmation that you’re never alone during this journey .
All good things NOT to tell yourself. Negative self talk really brings you down, which is why affirmations are so great! I talk about that on my blog, about how affirmations can change our self talk from negative (I’m stupid) to more positive which helps us feel more confident and calmer too.
This is so important. I need to break the habit of calling myself stupid. I’ve gotten better on a lot of these though. Small improvements!
Thank you for sharing
Molly @ Transatlantic Notes says
Yep — needed to read this! Thanks for sharing!
Jared Davies says
Honestly I related to this post so much, I’m so guilty of talking to myself like this, and my mum also told me the same thing! I don’t know why I do it, I just do, and I just constantly bring myself down all the time. From now on we all need to be kinder to ourselves, so I 100% agree with you! Really enjoyed this post!
Hope your well!
I’m so glad you were able to find this post helpful, Jared! 🙂 Remember these habits can be broken!
Mini Bhati says
I’m guilty of I don’t have time. Thanks for writing up such a relatable post.
It’s a habit that can be broken! Thanks for reading. 🙂
Karalee Shotola says
I’m guilty of telling myself a few of these, but after hearing some YouTubers regularly putting themselves down, I realized how toxic negative self talk is & I’ve been working on turning these negative phrases into something positive!
The Yorkshire Dreamer says
I’ve thought all of these about myself at some point in my life. I have been actively trying to think positively! I write down my accomplishments for the day, even small achievements. Your suggestions throughout about how to tackle each negative thought are fantastic. It’s all about that positive mindset. Thank you for sharing. 😊
Leslie Nichole says
I’m guilty of this everyday! I don’t know how to take complements and I think I’m just awkward haha. I’ll have to watch what I say to myself by being more mindful.
Great post, I can definitely relate to the “I can’t do it” self-talk! Thanks for sharing this post full of positivity, definitely what I needed to read 🙂
I really needed this list! Thank you, definitely things that we all tell ourselves at some point and shouldn’t. Gonna push myself to stop doing this right now! 💛
Ali Trigg says
Love this and it’s so important, especially right now!
Bethany Jones says
I definitely say a few of these to myself more often than I should, such a great post
Mayuri Gangwal says
That’s so impressive. A list full of positivity that everyone should note 😊
Love this post! Super important to remember all these things x
melissa major says
It’s so important to remember these but sometimes I can’t help think them sometimes. I just move past them and try to be positive 🙂 Brilliant post
Erica @ Blog Life With Erica says
I like “I don’t have time”. There are many days when I feel and think that I don’t have enough time to accomplish everything. But it’s all in your mindset. I noticed when I stopped thinking negative thoughts like this… the outcome was always a positive one.
Lisa | Mind and Body Intertwined says
It’s so much easier to tear yourself down than to build yourself up and it’s such a shame! These are things to really keep in mind though, so you can prevent it from hurting your confidence.
That’s the truth. I hate how it’s so much easier to speak unkindly to ourselves. It’s a habit we all need to break!
Izzy Matias says
Great post on the toxic things to stop telling ourselves. I’m definitely guilty of talking negatively to myself especially when I make a mistake or when things don’t go according to plan. It’s something I need to work on as well. Thank you for writing this post and reminding me to talk to myself more positively. 😊
Thanks, Izzy! Breaking that habit is hard but it’s so necessary. Thanks for reading!
Thank you! I really needed to hear this today! Every now and again I get disheartened with what I’m doing, purely because my blog is so new! But I can do it! Thanks for sharing.
I am so glad you found this post helpful, Melissa! Don’t give up. xx
Della Driscoll says
This post is so important to share and is why I love affirmations. As soon as you turn the negative words into positive ones, you’ll see yourself in a different light and learn to love yourself. Loved this post xx
Absolutely! Changing your mindset with affirmations is so powerful. Thanks for reading, Della!
Fadima Mooneira says
Yes, these are the negative thoughts that we should get rid of pronto. And I’m grateful that I already get rid of these seven gloomy thoughts last year.
Kelly Diane says
This is such an important topic. I didn’t realise I was telling myself toxic things until recently when I read the book Self Love Shift. I think its definitely something we all need to work more on.
It’s crazy how a lot of us don’t even realize that we’re talking ourselves so negatively. It’s definitely a habit we all have to break. Thanks for reading! xx
Ruth| Ruthiee loves Glamour says
I really needed this post. I am guilty of using the I CAN’T word but I will definitely change that. I love the positivity given off in this post. Great post x!
Ruth| Ruthiee loves Glamour
Emily Mortimer says
This post has made me realise that I’m more of a toxic-talker than I thought! Thank you for collating this post Amanda, I think it’s a really nice way to go into 2021; fresh mind, fresh start!
I struggle with not telling myself these kind of things, but I need to start talking about myself more positively! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
Fransic verso says
I totally agree with you. I’m developing a habit of not giving myself to say these even if it seems real. These the success killers I call them haha. Thank you for sharing too!
Tiffany McCullough - Metaphysical Mama says
Thank you for this wonderful post! Negative self-talk can be so damaging and yet many times we are completely unaware we are even doing it. I love your suggestion to write out all our negative phrases and turn them into something positive. Such an amazing way to change our thoughts!
Kia Singh says
Thank you so much for reminding how many times we fail ourselves by choosing wrong words during self talk.
It’s important that we stop negetive self talk. If only we knew the power, our negetive emotions, thoughts and words had on our lives- we would take all possible measures to stop negetivity right away. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece
This is something that EVERYONE should read! We definitely don’t lift ourselves up enough. I’ll be working on this too 💕
Ashley Duncan says
We are always so hard on ourselves. I love how you described each of these 7 things and how we need to rid them from our thinking. Especially during such a time as now.
You gave me the right positive vibe that I needed so bad, This is cool. Thank you! we can all the time.
This is great advice! Starting the new year with positive self-talk!
Kathleen Wonders says
These were so helpful. Sometimes we don’t realize that we’re our own worst enemy. Will take your advice and tell myself “you’re amazing” whenever I feel like saying something negative. Hopefully I’ll get rid of that toxic habit eventually!
I really enjoyed reading this! And it’s such an important topic. The things we tell ourselves affect our self-esteem, how we act and how we interact with each other! I love the tip about making a list of all the negative things we tell ourselves, that makes them easier to catch in the moment!
Lynn Mejia says
This is so good! I’m generally a confident person but I do admit that negative things creep into my mind once in a while and it makes me feel so bad. I love saying affirmations everyday! Thanks for sharing how to combat this x
Kayleigh Zara says
I often make the excuse that I don’t have time to do things when I really do! This is a really great list x
I’m so guilty of most of these 🙈 especially “I don’t have time”! I want to try hard this year to get out of these habits…
Fadima Mooneira says
Yes. I agree. These are the things that we should stop telling ourselves. It will ruin our life. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, reading through your post, I realize I’ve said pretty much all of these to myself at one point or another during my life. The way I’ve combated this is to counter it with something positive in my head. So, basically, I have a debate in my head but the positive side like “You are good enough” or “You don’t know until you try” or “I am strong” has been winning as of late. I’m glad you wrote a post to give people encouragement and ways to stop this negative speech. Good job!
Sophia patel says
I absolutely love your positivity and how you spread it – it is such a lovely thing to do! Thank you for this!
Thank you, Sophia! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post!
Matt and Meg says
These are so true, thanks for sharing! Check out my travel blog chasingcultures.com 🙂
Jimmy Clare says
I do some of these and I need to stop doing them
Great post! These are all really wonderful ways to reframe the conversations we all have with ourselves from time to time. Thank you for sharing!
Love these – I’m so guilty of finding humour through putting myself down (l’m so dumb is my most common one), but I’ve made a massive effort not to before I start to believe it!
Wow. I think I rotate through each of these once a day! I’m definitely trying to focus on being more positive and more mindful, but it’s a work in progress that’s for sure.
It’s amazing, isn’t it, just how common self-deprecation is? All of the marvellous things that we can accomplish and choose to focus on but what do we do? We put ourselves down. What a waste of effort!
Ditch the negative and embrace the positive 🙂
Cristina Rosano says
Loved reading these! Positive affirmations have changed so much my mindset I was truly in awe. I have always been one to talk negatively about herself and see a huge chance in my mood and overall esteem as I speak more positively about it! Thanks for sharing x
Della Driscoll says
This post is great! It’s so important to talk to ourselves with kindness, the way we do for others and be our own hype girl xx
Sara James says
It’s a great post. You have given some great suggestions, especially I can relate to getting overwhelmed by not having enough time. Planning can make things easier to handle.
Thanks for such a positive post.
Cristina Rosano says
I am so guilty of all of them, but since I started using affirmations I feel like I do it less and less and it is truly helping! Speaking positively to ourselves mostly during the worse of times can help so much! Thanks for sharing this reminder x
Rosie Ireland says
Wow I really needed to read this post today. I am naturally a positive person but the way I speak to myself is the opposite and it needs to stop
Yes! This is fantastic- and exactly what I needed to hear today! Unfortunately, we are our own worst enemy sometimes. Great post Amanda x
Fadima Mooneira says
So true! These words are toxic and so self-sabotaging. We must quit saying these things to ourselves pronto. Everyone is adorable in their own way.
I’m defiantly guilty of saying all these things to myself, I actually find myself saying them daily so this post was really lovely to read. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s something I’m slowly but surely working on & will come back to this post for sure. Xo
Elle – ellegracedeveson.com
It can be a hard thing to break for sure! I’m glad this post helps. xx
Mummy Conquering Anxiety says
Thank you for this post. I literally spent years telling myself all of these things. I now make a point of positive thinking only. And if I get into a bad headspace, catching myself and getting out of it!